Nipple pulling, face fondling, throat punching, nose grabbing, gut kicking.
Every night, in my bedroom.
Sounds like 50 Shades of Grey, right?
Around here, we call it “bedtime.”
I never thought I would be “one of those wierdos” who co-slept. Never did I think our baby would end up sleeping in our bed period, let alone for this long. And never ever did I expect to love co-sleeping as much as I do. Ben refuses to cuddle all day long and won’t even sit on my lap for longer than 30 seconds, so I love when night comes and he falls asleep next to me and I can just smell his hair, feel his baby soft skin, and just love on his cute self. And I believe in co-sleeping – the researched benefits and the benefits I’ve discovered on my own.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to roll over and wake up to this:
Except that bedtime has become a bit of a nightmare. Our dearest Benjamin has started “sleepwalking.” He falls asleep and then does awake things every. single. night. He’s a beast to get to go to sleep – kicking, flailing, the whole bit – and not a, “I don’t want to go to bed tantrum,” – it’s more of a working-out-the-energy-explosion. When he finally starts drifting off, he sits straight up, mumbles, then falls on his face in a dead sleep. He’s taken to climbing our pillows and headboard then flops on his back – dead sleep again.
Last night, after a good deal of flailing-while-sleeping, he sleep-crawled his way up my pillows and legit slept in this position for about two hours:
This is when I get on my high horse and proclaim to our co-sleeping-naysayers-kin, “SEE! It would be DANGEROUS if he was sleeping in his crib right now, because he sits and stands and falls so fitfully, it’s a SAFETY CONCERN. He could knock himself out on the crib rails!”
But for real, it is a safety concern. He can’t be left alone in our bed, because he could sleep crawl right off. So from 8:00 pm until 8:00 am, I’m kind of a bedroom prisoner (#soundssexybutitsnot… #yesIjusthastaggedablogpost), monitoring Ben. Last week, I nearly shat myself because I woke up in the middle of the night and Ben was not in his usual spot in between me and Derek. I was frantically flailing my arms around in the dark, blind without my glasses/contacts, thinking my baby disappeared in thin air.
I don’t think clearly when waking up in the middle of the night, mmmkay?
I finally found him, at the bottom of our king-size bed, in between our feet.
I bought him to the pediatrician last week to discuss (side note: 24.4 pounds!), and she wasn’t concerned in the slightest. Aside from recommending I stop nursing him to sleep as a general tip unrelated to the sleepwalking (thanks lady, didn’t ask for advice on that), she had no suggestions.
So, I’ve decided that enough is enough, and in a fit, purchased this, which could not arrive soon enough:
I am hoping that by getting him into some semblance of normal sleep, we will also get him into some kind of nap schedule. Because most days, he’s No Naps McGee.
As for the location of said sleeping, I’m on the fence. I love co-sleeping, but I also feel like I would enjoy time to myself like most other parents get when their child is happily snoozing in the next room. But then I immediately feel guilty - how can I not give him the benefits of co-sleeping because I need time to myself? Then I think I might be a better mom if I had that alone time…
And the internal debate thus continues.
Derek has given Ben an eviction notice and he will be out the door by age 1. Which is a mere 3 months away (!). I go back and forth on it, but D & I are going on a baby-free vacation in January, and I’m sure my parents would be less than pleased to have to share a bed with a 1-year-old while we’re gone.
I’m scared that we’ll transition him to his crib and I’ll really miss co-sleeping. And I imagine that would be confusing for him and a waste of our effort to get him into the crib only to let him back in our bed again.
Keep your fingers crossed that we make some kind of headway and all parties are satisfied!