Well isn’t this a bright and cheery topic for this week’s Mommy Confessions?
So given that I’m about to leave Benjamin overnight, for the first time ever, for multiple nights, across country, it goes without saying that I’m sh**ing my pants freaking out. Yes, he’ll be safely with my parents, but I’m terrified. My heart hurts when I leave him for a few hours, let alone days.
Ever since Ben was born, I developed a superstrong, sometimes insane, sometimes debilitating, DEATH COMPLEX. As in, I think some tragedy is about to befall me at any given moment, leaving Benjamin without his loving mother to make sure he eats a balanced diet of organic foods, doesn’t wear pajamas with flame retardants, allows him to play with pink toys if he wants to, and gets plenty of hugs and kisses all day long, among many other important things.
My death complex has slightly improved over the past few months, but it’s still ever-present. Sometimes I’ll be driving, and I imagine a truck crashing into my car, killing me instantly. Other times, I imagine a crazed gunman running into the grocery store and shooting me down. Occasionally I worry that a piece of space debris will pass through the atmosphere and hit me.
And now, I’m about to get on a plane, with my husband, away from my baby. I was adamant that Derek and I take separate planes, just in case. He thought that was absurd, and refused to oblige. So I’m having a mini-panic-attack-heart-attack-aneurysm-meltdown that our plane will crash and Benjamin will be an orphan. Okay. now I’m crying.
On my task list this week? Writing my last will and testament. We have the actual legal stuff worked out, but I feel compelled to write out all kinds of miscellaneous information about how I’d like Benjamin to be raised (see above notes on organic living, non-flame-retardant pajamas, etc.), what I think is important in terms of child-rearing, and locations of all my camera memory cards, important computer files, etc. I’m also kind of itching to write Benjamin a letter. You know. Just in case.
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Now it’s your turn! Share your mommy confessions with us!
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Glad to hear I am not alone in my crazy death thoughts. If I see my little one fall 10 feet from the corner of a table my mind goes right to what if they hit there head on the corner of that table and I play the whole scenario out in my head.
ReplyDeleteAwww, I have that horrible complex too. I am horrible at the whole worry thing. I think it is best to have those just incases set up. We actually need to do that as well. That is hilarious you wanted to take separated plans and the hubs didn't budge. Mine wouldn't either, he would laugh at me. I hope your trip goes well and nothing bad happens. I am sure Ben will be just fine. Don't worry momma, enjoy your trip.
ReplyDeleteAhh... I don't even have children yet but I already have thoughts of "what if something were to happen one day & my child was without me or alone..." I can't even imagine how much more intense it will get when that day comes...
ReplyDeleteDoes it make me a bad blog friend that this post made me giggle. Also I'm a bad mother. Boomer is almost 7 and there is no will, or written instruction of any kind. I mean ....she has godparents....like four at last count.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! ^^ NO! I laugh, and I picture Derek laughing at her too
DeleteI would totally insist on different planes! I am the same way.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I feel the same way and I don't even have kids yet! I worry about death all of the time. I can't even imagine how much worse it is with kids!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I shouldn't have said all that.
What I really meant to say was.. don't worry, Ben will be fine, enjoy your trip! ;)
I totally have a death complex too.
ReplyDeleteI have a will. It doesn't include my blog, like your's apparently. :)
ReplyDeleteYour email was creepy, but I love you for being creepy. Please include years picture Christmas cards of Benjamin to long lost Auntie Megan into the will, too.
The first time we left C with my parents, we wrote out a will just in case too! Relax, and enjoy the time on your own :)
ReplyDeleteOMG! I totally have a DEATH COMPLEX too, and thought I was alone in it! Lol. I would write a note too. Hope your trip goes well!
ReplyDeleteNew follower :)
This post totally made me laugh! But, bringing it back to a serious matter, I don't think it's EVER too early to establish advanced directives and a will for yourself. Maybe, that's just the former Registered Nurse coming out in me, or the fact that I also lost my Dad to a motor vehicle accident at the age of 20 (my sister was 16, my brother 12). Either way, I would try to worry less and enjoy life, but think its great that you seek to plan for that rare possibility for Ben's well-being. :)
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ReplyDeleteHi, Great post. I found you through the blog hop. Now following you.Please stop by and say hi when you get a chance.
Be sure and check out my new Blog Hop that we just started, It's Weekly Goals Link Up. It's a great way to stay on track. Have a great day. :) Here's the link in case you want to check it out.
http://lenettacarnes.blogspot.com/2013/01/weekly-goals-linkup-3.html Thanks again
Lenetta